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I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Home is where the pants aren`t.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
I want to sleep tighter
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.