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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.