Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.