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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.