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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.