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The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.