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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Iām just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Hello is this HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.