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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
So much to do and so few alibis.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.