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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.