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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"