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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.