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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.