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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.