Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them