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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.