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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.