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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.