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Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.