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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.