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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Iām not stupid. Iām just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.