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is available for rebound sex.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.