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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.