Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.