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Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.