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The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel