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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.