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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.