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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls