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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.