Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.