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United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."