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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.