Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?