Daily Silly Status

Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.

Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.

Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..

I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.

I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.

Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.

Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer

I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.

If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.

There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.

I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone

I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.

When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!

A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.

I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking