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Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.