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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!