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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.