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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...