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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.