Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
drinks well with others.