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State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
How Big is Infinity?
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke