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If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.