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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.