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My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness