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Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks