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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.