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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."