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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
There`s no WE in pizza.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.