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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Save water- shower with me!
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.