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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Save water- shower with me!
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?