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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I