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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.