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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park