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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?