Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.