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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.