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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.