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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!