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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.