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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.