Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)