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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.