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I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.