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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.