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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.