Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...