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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.