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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.