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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."