Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.