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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.