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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.