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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"