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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.