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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
drink beer ?? save water
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.