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I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?