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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.