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I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360