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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.