Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.