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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.