Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
My anger management class pisses me off
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.