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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
I miss the life I planned in my head.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.