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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"