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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.