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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.