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I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative