Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I have a black belt in leather
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.