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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Good for you, people that do things.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?